Chapter 3

“Last time, on Total Drama,” Chris excitedly begins the recap from his seat in “The Office”. “The teams got a further induction into the workings of Mclean High. While the nerds and Goths used their freetime to bond in their own unusual ways, the Jocks and Cheerleaders dealt with immediate conflict between Natalie and Vick, and Dana and Larissa, respectively. At the challenge, teams had to race through and underground maze, grab puzzle pieces, and make an ever-amazing puzzle of moi.” Chris flashes his pearly white smile.

“After a fatal error made by Ian, the Jocks lost a considerable amount of time, blowing their chances of winning, and causing the Nerds to send them to elimination. However, Vick was seen as a cancer to the team, and was promptly voted out, saving Ian from what would have otherwise been his demise.” Chris chuckles. “Don’t you just love the first elimination? It’s like saying ‘Hey, you’re a loser, G-T-F-O.’” Chris snickers.

“Anyway,” the host smirks, propping his feet up on his desk and resting his arms behind his head. “What dramatic happenings will go down this episode? On Total… Drama… Status Quo!”

(Theme Song)

In the dusk of night, the camera shows the exterior of McLean High, where a suspicious bus rolls up to the entrance. The doors screech open, and a figure suited in red with a ski mask over his face steps out, followed by a girl primarily in a white jungle suit, also wearing a ski mask. The two figures are joined by another figure, in a huge costume shaped like a Pokémon. Their ski mask only covers a small portion of the top of their costume. The camera labeled these mysterious figures ‘Reddy’, ‘Fluffy’, and ‘Oshawott’, respectively.

“Troops, move out.” the first figure, Reddy, instructs. The two do so keenly.

The costumed figures, Oshawott, giggles, “It’s like we’re Team Rocket stealing—,”

“Shush!” Reddy hisses. He quickly appears in the confessional, removing his mask. “Hello, there. My name is Reddude Reddington, the III. Some of you may recognize me as a competitor from the failed season of Total Drama, Total Drama Outback.” Reddy scowls, “My accursed father is the producer of this pathetic excuse for television. Everyone loved my season, Outback, yet… he cancelled it!” Reddy clenches his fist angrily, staring deep into the camera. “We didn’t even get three episode! Three! My blasted father was so lazy that we didn’t get even three episodes! Yet he’s just fine with letting this show have three!”

Reddy is now seething, glaring to the side. “Well… It won’t. This show will not have three episodes, it will not finish.” He locks eyes with the viewers. “Mark my words. I will destroy Total Drama: Status Quo!”

The three ex-competitors are now prowling through the halls of McLean High, with Reddy navigating a map. “We’re almost there,” he quietly tells his partners. “We’re almost to the safe.”

Fluffy yawns, “When’s the action start?”

Reddy sighs, “This isn’t meant to be an action filled adventure. We go in, take the case, walk out, and destroy the money.” Fluffy frowns.

“Y’know, Reddy, you’re so much more different now than you were in Australia,” Fluffy states. “What happened to the care-free guy who got along with everyone?”

“Still the same Reddy,” Reddy explains, “But My father has had this coming to him all too long for me to let the opportunity pass up. He’s only ever gotten one show past episode three, and that was a show was mediocre at best. We were the best cast his show has ever had. And we will prove that, by destroying this one.”

Oshawott gasps loudly, “We’re killing the contestants?!” his voice echoes through the halls.

“No, you twit!” Reddy growls, “We’re destroying the show so the cast will never be able to prove that it is better than us.” He glances towards his wrist watch. “Now, let’s go. We’re running out of our night cover, and I don’t want any of these harebrained newbies messing up our plans.” The trio progresses further, now.

“Reddy’s really been upset ever since Outback was cancelled,” Fluffy explains in the confessional. “He never really got over the fact that his one shot at fame had been ruined by his father.” Fluffy folds her arms, “Now when do we get to burn stuff?!”

The trio is once again shown, walking up to a huge safe. “Finally!” Fluffy beams. “Now, we burn stuff?”

“Not yet,” Reddy says. Fluffy sighs and folds her arms, tapping her foot impatiently. Reddy walks up and runs his hand along the door of the safe. “Now, how do we open it…”

“Oooh! I know!” Oshawott grins. “Headbutt attack, go!” Oshawott charges at the door with his head face out. Reddy and Fluffy’s eyes widen as Oshawott slams his head into the safe door, but quickly jumpps back. “Owowow!” Oshawott falls to the ground. “It wasn’t very effective…” The safe door slowly creeks open.

“Seriously?” Reddy face-palms.

“What?” Oshawott pokes his head up to see what had happened. “Oh! Uh… Nevermind! The foe has instantaneously fainted!” Oshawott jumps to his feet and grins, pumping his fist triumphantly. “Oshawott leveled up to level sixty-nine!”

Reddy’s eyes widen. “Oshawott! No sexual innuendos!”

“What?” Oshawott looks puzzled. “I turned sixty-eight the last time I leveled.”

“…Oh,” Reddy shakes his head. He turns around, “Let’s get the—,” he sees Fluffy has already retrieved the case. “Well, that was a lot more simple than I thought it’d be. No security measures?”

Fluffy laughs, “We already took care of that, remember?” the scene shows an electrical box labeled “Security Box” with five or six arrows pierced through it. Two teens, Mockingjay and Fabio, snicker and high-five one another. Mockingjay slings her bow and arrow over her shoulder and the two walk off.

“Oh,” Reddy says, “Well, let’s go then.” The three quickly rush out and get back on the bus, before it bolts away from the worthless school.

The next morning, Chef is making his daily security rounds as the contestants eat breakfast. He rounds the corner and walks down the hall of the safe, while nonchalantly whistling the Total Drama theme. He reaches the safe, pulls out a key, and unlocks the vault. However, once he does, his face reflects a look of mortification.

A shrill shriek is heard in the cafeteria. “What The Heck?” Natalie asks. Ken glances down at his breakfast paste, and then back up.

The shirtless jock asks with a mouthful, “Did Chef’s cooking finally scare him too?” Suddenly, a red light begins to flash about and a loud, tedious siren sounds. The cast gasps collectively. The PA system turns on, and Chris can be heard.

“What? It’s gone? GONE?! No way!” the contestants exchange worried glances. “Attention, everyone!” the host yells frantically over the system. “We have a code red! Repeat, code red! Initiate code alpha! I repeat, code alpha! Do not panic, this an omega breach! Omega—,”

“Chris!” Chef barks. “Cut the made-up code mumbo jumbo! The million dollah’s was stolen!” the contestants gasp.

“Oh, hay-ell no!” Larissa slams her fist on the Cheerleaders’ table.

Chef once again barks over the system, “All you good for nothing maggots report to the main entrance! You best do what I say, or else you’ll have no show to compete on!” the contestants all chaotically sprint to the main entrance of the school.

The cast is gathered in front of Chris and Chef outside the entrance, though the flashing red lights can still be seen through multiple windows and the siren faintly in the background.

“What the hell is going on?” Agatha demands to know.

“Are you deaf?!” Chef growls, “Some lower-than-you delinquents made-off with our prize money!”

“Who?” Fredson asks.

Chris sighs, “At approximately 3 a.m. this morning, the competition corridor was breached by three figures, who made their way through the school and snatched the million. They were very comfortable using the confessional,” Chris glances side to side. “They were, uh… Ex-contestants.”

Natalie scowls, “Vick?!”

“No no no,” Chris says, “Contestants from a… cancelled… season.” The contestants gasp, again. “God, this episode has already overused the word gasp! No more gasping, got it?!” the contestants nod.

Riley asks, “So how are we gonna get the money back? Who knows how far they could’ve gotten.”

Chris chuckles, “Uh, luckily we foresaw the slim chance of this ever happening to us, and installed a tiny tracking device in the case. Which brings us to today’s last-minute challenge!” the contestants gasp. “What did I tell you about gasping?!”

“The million dollars is in jeopardy and you turn it into a challenge?” Edward cocks an eyebrow.

“Correct!” Chris grins. “Just because my job and all of your guys’ shots at fame and glory are up in the air doesn’t mean I’ll be any less sadistic!” Chris jerks his thumb to the parking lot, where four buses are parked. “You’ll be racing these buses to track down the case. But don’t worry, to make the task a little more doable, we installed a sonar into each one to help with the search.”

Zach corrects, “You mean radar. Sonar is an underwater radar.”

“Don’t correct me,” Chris snaps. “First team to successfully get the case back here will win Invincibility and choose which team goes to elimination. However, if you all fail,” Chris sighs, “You’ll all be directly terminated from the competition.”

“Well let’s get a move on!” Dana folds her arms.

Chris nods, “Good point.” Chris raises his starter pistol, once again. “On your marks… get ready… Go find my million bucks!” the host fires the pistol and the contestants dash off. Once they’re all off-screen, a sputtering is heard and an RCMP helicopter crashes nearby. Chris and Chef exchange worried glances, before quickly running off.

Over by the buses, the contestants are quickly sprinting to the closest buses. “I’ll’ drive!” Patricia claims as she leads her team.

“Shot gun!” Fredson belts.

Patricia face-palms, “There’s not shotgun on a bus.”

“Oh…”

The Jocks are the first to reach their bus, “Get in the back, boys,” Natalie orders. “Mama KNOWS how to drive.”

“Should we be worried?” Ian question Ken, who shrugs.

The teams all enter their buses, and the Jocks are the first team to speed off into action. The Cheerleaders take off after them, while the Nerds and Goths speed-off the other way, for some unfathomable reason. Dana glances out the side mirror of the Cheerleaders’ van.

“Why are they going to other way?” she sneers, examining the radar. “The case is clearly this way.”

“Maybe they read the radar wrong?” Jane suggests.

Larissa scoffs, “yeah, the ultra-geeks read the radar wrong.” Dana growls.

“They’re up to something.”

Larissa mocks, “No, really?” Dana fumes, her face a bright red, as she slams her foot on the gas. The bus rockets past the Jocks’ bus, and Ian and Ken are left gaping out the window, stunned.

“Woah!” Ian says.

Ken murmurs, “Wait… Why didn’t we get any NOS?”

The Nerds and Goths’ buses are shown, driving into the city nearby the school. The Nerds park at a mechanics shop, and the Goths follow. “Why’d you guys come here?” Agatha asks as she exits the bus, followed by Tyson, Maximus, and Cynthia.

“We need to make a few… improvements,” Zach informs as the Nerds exit their bus.

Agatha nods, “Nice. We’re not gonna attempt this challenge, seems pretty long and boring,” she yawns. “Plus we’re pretty sure it’s just a stunt by Chris. We followed you here, though, since we have an alliance and everything.”

Patricia cocks a brow, “Alliance?”

“Oh,” Zach shakes his head. “I must’ve forgotten to tell my faithful teammates. I took the liberty of aligning ourselves with another team, making our shots of going to elimination now 50-50, instead of 33.33%.”

Riley grins, “Nice!” she high-fives the genius.

“Superb!” Fredson smiles.

Patricia glances back and forth. The gamer girl appears in the bus confessional, “I’m not too thrilled about being unwillingly thrown into and alliance by Zach,” she confesses. ‘I’d like to think I have more control over my game. But, all great players have to have patience. I can’t target Zach yet, it’s way too early.” Patricia sighs. “It better be worth it…” She appears back with the others, “Nice.” She croaks.

Tyson rolls his eyes, right. “Now, let’s do something fun before I kill you all for my own amusement.”

Riley’s eyes widen, “Dude, lighten-up.”

“I don’t think he was kidding,” Fredson says. Tyson smirks.

“Well, looks like chubby’s proved why he’s on the nerds’ team.”

Riley frowns, “Rude.”

Maximus scoffs, “As fun as watching you guys go all-out in a battle royale, if you kill each other, the concrete would be soaked in blood,” he gestures to the ground in which they stand. “And we wouldn’t want that, now, would we?” The others nod.

“It is nice concrete,” Riley observes.

Agatha suggests, “Let’s go annoy poor old innocent townsfolk?” her Goth teammates nods and lod back onto the bus. She turns to Zach, “See ya later.” The genius nods as the rocker chick hops into her team’s bus and drives off.

Epic montage music begins to play, and the scene shifts between Zach upgrading the Nerds’ bus, the Cheerleaders and Jocks driving every which way to find the case, and the Goths’ devious acts of disturbing the peace in town. The ever-amazing montage ends with the Nerds’ bus rocketing off, quickly bypassing the Cheerleaders’ bus, as well as the Jocks (who are momentarily stopped at a gas station). The scene closes in on the Jocks.

“Of all the friggin-,” Natalie growls and rushes into the gas station, for what she claims to be an urgent emergency. Ken and Ian are left at their bus, standing around. Meanwhile, on the road, crisis strikes the Cheerleaders when their bus breaks down.

Dana seethes, “What the—,”

“Family show!” Edward censors. Dana slams her foot on the gas pedal multiple times.

“it won’t work!”

“Pfft, great,” Larissa sighs, and gazes out the window. “Wait a second… guys, look!” the Cheerleaders all rush over to Larissa at the window, where she is pointing to the Jocks stopped at the gas station. The latina smirks, “You thinking what I’m thinking?” the team nods in evil unison.

In a flash, the Cheerleaders are closing in on the idle Jock duo of Ian and Ken. Edward and Dana hide behind gas pumps as Larissa and Jane move-in on the Jocks. Ken spots Larissa and growls, “What do you want? Why are you here?”

Larissa sighs, “Our bus broke down, and this was the nearest shelter,” she fake-sobs, “We’re out of the race. And since I saw you here, I figured I might as well try to clear some of the air between us.” Ken rolls his eyes, and spots Ian, who Jane is slowly working over.

Ken sighs, “Ian, are you seriously—,”

“Not now, dude,” Ian hushes. “I’m in the zone…” Jane cuddles against the nice jock some more as they make small talk.

Ken sighs, “It won’t work, Lariss—,” Larissa suddenly takes hold of Ken’s head and kisses him, softly. She pulls back, and stares deep into Ken’s eyes. “…Wanna feel my abs?” the two begin making-out for the second time in two episodes.

Edward and Dana nod each other approval and silently rush to the bus, running on and starting up the engine. Dana slams the gas and speeds off, alarming Ken and Ian. Once they realize what has happened, they gasp. “Whu, uh— Larissa!” Kenshouts in fury. Larissa snickers and shoves Ken into Ian, and she and Jane sprint to the bus, where Edward and Dana are waiting. “No!” Ken sprints to the bus, only for it to take off quickly.The jock screeches to a stop and fumes in frustration. Ian walks up, dazed.

“I’ll get Larissa back!” Ken declares. “Even if it’s the last thing I ever do in this game, I’ll get her back!” he whirls around to Ian, “And you? What’re you gonna do to get back at Jane?”

Ian blinks, still dazed, “…Absolutely nothing…” Ken face-palms. Ian laughs in the bus confessional. “Ken’s just mad ‘cos I got the hot one!”

Ken follows Ian in the confessionals, raging. “What the— Ugh! I hate Larissa! She has powers, evil powers, powers that should not be in the game!” Ken rubs his temples. “it’s fine, whatever. I’ll get the last laugh. And Larissa will be out of this game in the blink of an eye!”

Natalie returns to the outside of the gas station, whistling nonchalantly, until her eyes drift open and she stops dead in her tracks. The bus was gone! “Ohohoho…,” Natalie folds her arms, scowling at her teammates. “You guys better have a good explanation…”

Ian blurts out, “the cheerleaders are goddesses.” Natalie growls, reels back her fist, and whams Ian in the jaw, throwing him to the ground. “Ow… That didn’t work…”

The Nerds’ upgraded bus is shown in a flash. Zach, at the wheel, glances at the radar and quickly screeches the bus to a stop, in front of an abandoned incineration factory. “The tracker leads here,” he glances through the old wired fence of the factory, where the stolen bus is parked. “And it’s apparently right.”

“But, why?” Riley asks. “Why would they go to an incineration factory?” an awkward moment of silence follows. “INCINERATION FACTORY?!” the nerds rush out the bus and through the fence, as fast as wimp nerds like them can. Riley chuckles in the confessional, “Wow, for Nerds, it took us a while to put two and two together. Hehe.”

Just as the Nerds enter the factory, the Cheerleaders pull to a stop by their bus. “We’re not far behind, I saw the nerdlings,” Dana says. Her team also rushes out of their bus and into the factory.

Inside, the two teams meet up with one another. “That’s odd,” Patricia states upon seeing the Cheerleaders. “I thought for sure I’d seen you guys break down.”

Larissa snickers, “Oh, we did. But those Jocky boys got played.”

“You outplayed Natalie?” Fredson questions.

“Nah,” Larissa admits, “She just wasn’t there, for some reason or another.” Sudd en, maniacal laughter is heard. The eight competitors glance around.

“Cheerleaders, I would like to propose a partnership,” Zach offers. “Since we are both in the same boat, at the present moment,”

Edward nods, “Deal.” The troupe of contestants prowls through the factory, going through every doorway and passage they could find, until they found what they had been looking for: Fifteen teenagers circled around a lone, red leader, holding the cherished case. They were on a high platform, overlooking a pot of molten lava. “Fellow contestants,” the leader, Reddy spoke. “Today, we end these charades once and for all. For over sixty seasons, all of which have failed, many competitors have competed for this,” he raises up the silver, shining case for all to see. “My father’s million dollar fortune. And today, we shall destroy this blasted case!” the encircling teenagers cheer in victory, while the Nerds and Cheerleaders seem to be slightly creeped out.

“It’s like a cult,” Fredson observes.

“A what?” Jane asks.

Zach shakes his head, “No time for language classes. We have to move out; we’re running out of time.”

“Well what are we waiting for?” Dana asks. She quickly runs out and disses the ex-contestants. “Hey! Why can’t you all get a real life instead of trying to destroy others’ good times? Losers!” she held her hand in the shape of an ‘L’, symbolizing ‘Losers’.

Reddy scowls, “Trespasser!” he points to the group. “Seize them!”

Fredson gulps, they’re twice our size! In order for us to defeat them we’d need to have approximately—,” Zach suddenly shoves Fredson onto the platform.

“Status Quo,” Zach says as he tinkers with her shoes, “Engage!” the seven all charge into battle, albeit reluctantly, as Zach takes flight with his jet shoes.

“Outback, attack!” Reddy howls. His soldiers all whip out paintball guns and begin firing as the contestants. As Zach chases after Reddy, A burly black man approaches Larissa with his paintball gun.

“We can get this over now, or let it carry on,” the man, Robert, explains.

“Hmmm,” Larissa contemplates. “Lemme think. Carry on!” she whips out some Male Cologne and shoots Robert in the eye.

“Ow!” Robert cries, dropping his paintball gun and stumbling about. He slams into the railing, toppling over it and slamming into the ground below. Larissa smirks and snatches the gun. “Thanks for the cheap clogone, Ken.” The latina rushes into battle, firing the gun.

All-out war ensues between the casts. Some Status Quo competitors have stolen a few paintball guns themselves, evening out the battle. However, it climaxes only when Zach is able to overpower Reddy and grab the case. “Status Quo, move out!” he orders.

“What is this, Transformers?” Riley asks. The Status Quo contestants all jump over the railing to rush out, only to be quickly followed by the Outback competitors. Once outside, the paint-covered contestants work together.

“Let’s go in ours,” Patricia says to Dana. “It’s upgraded.” The diva nods. While the Status Quos get in the Nerds’ bus, the Outbackers pile into the stolen bus, and a heavy game of pursuit begins.

“We’ll never shake them,” Edward states. “We need a plan.” Zach quickly taps a red button at the wheel, and the bus morphs into a gigantic robot, with its passengers being stored at the top of its head.

“So that’s what the red button does?” Zach asks, in awe. It isn’t long before the Outbackers also figure this out, and morph their bus into a similar robot. “Oh, crap…”

Patricia gasps, “Step aside, Zach. This challenge was made for me.” Zach quickly lets Patricia take his seat and she gets a feel for the control. She goes to jab the other cast’s robot, only for them to block.

“Give us the money!” Reddy shouts over the bus’s speaker.

“No thanks!” Patricia shouts back, and smirks, “I’ve won five consecutive tournaments in Super Slam Sisters Punch-Out!” Reddy is visibly shocked. Patricia punches controls in lightning speed, and Reddy can barely keep up, barely blocking a few moves. “Left!” Patricia grins, “Right!” she grins even wider. “Uppercut, aaaaaaaand… KICK TO THE NUTS!” she finishes off by shoving the joystick forward, slamming her robot’s foot into the crotch of the opposition. The Outbacker’s robot goes flying into the air, never to be seen again.

Back in town, a huge explosion is visible from the seat of the Goths’ bus. “Well,” Agatha states. “if that’s any indication, we should head back.”

“Yep,” Tyson smirks.

In the late day afternoon, all the contestants are gathered in the cafeteria. The million dollar case is bestowed proudly in between the nerds and Cheerleaders’ tables, as Chris walks in. He gasps at the sight, “You guys actually did it! I can’t belie—,” Chris cuts himself off, “I mean… I knew you’d pull through!”

Dana rolls her eyes, “Right…” As she says this, Chef walks through, grabs the case, and marches back to hide the case once again.

“But,” Chris asks. “Which team won?”

Zach informs, “The Cheerleaders helped our team to retrieve the case, so it was a combined effort between two.” Chris frowns, obviously disappointed that two teams had technically won.

“Well, okay then…”

Tyson pipes up, “Chris, wait,” he pulls out a glass bottle. “I got this from the Vending Machine. It says to play it after the challenge is over, and…”

Chris face shows a glimmer of shock, before the host smirks evilly. “Nerds, Cheerleaders, please come to a decision on which team you guys will be sending to elimination.” The teams do as instructed and huddle together. The Goths show no signs of worry, while the Jocks, particularly Natalie, are glancing around nervously. The two teams disperse, “Your decision.”

Larissa grins, “The Jockies are getting’ Victoried.” Natalie slams her fist on the table.

“Oh, c’mon!” the femlete shouts.

Chris clacks sly grin, “Not so fast,” he gestures to the Goths. “Tyson, if you may.” The punk smirks and smashes the glass against the table before picking out a small note. He opens it, and reads.

“Congrats! You have won immunity from the vote tonight! However, you must give it to a person of your choosing who doesn’t have immunity! Ha-ha, sucker!” Tyson cocks an eyebrow. “What?”

Chris chuckles, “yeah, we didn’t think anyone would get that before merge. But basically, it means that the Jocks and safe, and the GOTHS will be going to elimination tonight!” everyone gasps. The Jocks cheer proudly and the Goths glare at their blue-haired teammate for ruining their safety. “Wow! What a fun and exciting day it’s been! Goths, see you tonight.” The host walks off, laughing uncontrollably.

Agatha glares to the side in the confessional, “Well, we know who to vote out now…”

“Welp,” Maximus yawns in the confessional. ‘it was nice knowin’ ya.”

Cynthia is shown in the confessional, drawing.

Tyson rages in the confessional, screaming out curse words and profanity phrases that have to be bleeped out so many times that the producers don’t bother letting you hear the small fraction of decent words he says.

At the elimination, the Goths are not very happy. “Word on the street says you guys didn’t even try the challenge,” Chris says disapprovingly from his desk. “What a shame. Guess karma got you a little earlier than expected.”

“Get on with it already,” Agatha mutters.

“Very well,” Chris pulls out the first pencil. “The first freshly Sharpened Pencil of Safety goes to… Cynthia.” The quiet Goth catches her pencil. “Followed by Maximus.” The chaotic kid smirks and catches his pencil. “Leaving us with our bottom two: Agatha and Tyson,”

Tyson mutters something about stabbing Chris’s mother, only to be ignored.

“The final pencil goes to…

…Agatha.”

“Shocker there,” Agatha states. She glances to Tyson, who is glaring at his ex-team. “You were a victim of circumstance. What were we supposed to do, vote somebody off for their challenge performance? We didn’t even compete.”

Tyson growls, “Whatever,” he stands up. “But mark my words. None of you will get to the end. You’ll be obliterated and shown-up. That’s not a threat. It’s a promise.” Maximus stifles laughter as Tyson exits through the elimination door, labeled the “Door of Shame”.

“Door of Shame?” Maximus sighs, “Really?”

“Yes, really!” Chris snaps. He turns to the camera, “I don’t feel like doing an outro this week, so see you less-amazing-than-me viewers next week, on Total.. Drama.. Status Quo!”